The Parkland Shooting – February 14

On Wednesday afternoon (February 14), Dave headed out to pick up our 15-year-old son from school and then to take him for a haircut. I finished the casserole I was making for dinner and was headed out to do an errand. In one hour, we’d meet back at the house  to eat.

Before putting the casserole in the oven, I happened to look at my phone and notice a missed call from my neighbor, a doctor at a local hospital. She never calls me during the day. I called her back.

“How are you?” she asked.

“I’m okay. Why?” Then she proceeded to tell me there was a shooting at the high school. I hadn’t heard and hung up the phone.

I tried turning on the television but my son had his computer hooked up to it because his screen was broken. I frantically ran out of the house and saw a neighbor outside that I didn’t know. I ran up to him, “Can I watch your tv? There’s been a shooting at the high school.”

In his house, I helplessly watched kids being led out by SWAT teams with their hands over their heads on the television. I immediately started gasping for air.

I ran to my house to get son’s class schedule to see what building he was scheduled to be in. I ran back to the neighbor’s house and watched the tv again trying to decipher which building the shooter was in. My son wasn’t in that building during the time of the shooting. My phone pinged. It was from Hansa, my neighbor from across the street from my house. I ran out of the neighbor’s house over to Hansa’s house. She met me at the door and we went to the tv. My phone started ringing.

Dave’s voice answered, “There’s police all over here. I can’t get to the school.”

“There’s a shooting at the high school. He didn’t take his phone to school today!” I screamed into the phone.

“I’m getting out of the car to see if I can find him,” and he hung up the phone. Again, my body started heaving for air.

Hansa, I and her two elementary aged grandsons watched the tv searching for any sign of my son among the kids walking out of the school. My phone dinged indicating I had new email. I looked through the emails and saw one from our son’s math teacher.

“Ryan is ok in my room” in the subject line.

“He’s okay and with his math teacher!!” I screamed to Hansa. We all jumped and hugged. I tried calling Dave but the lines were jammed. He finally got through.

“Becky, there’s about 200 kids around me walking around in shock, crying and looking at their cell phones. I can’t find Ryan.” I could hear the calm panic in his voice.

“He’s with Ms. Camel. He’s okay!” While looking at the tv I saw a kid that looked like my son on tv and we all screamed for joy. (Later I’d find out it wasn’t him!)

For the next hour or so, we still couldn’t find our son. I headed down the other street to the school but there were police blocking every street leading to the school. “Go to the Marriott! They are busing kids over there to be picked up by parents.” yelled an officer. I got to the Marriott, parked, got out, and realized, I had no shoes on my feet. I had only been there 5 minutes before Dave called, “I got him!” Dave said when he saw our 6’2″ blonde haired kid with the red hoodie, he’d never been happier.

Back at home, we all went into shock mode, until about 8 p.m. Emotions flooded our son and he became upset. We called our therapist friend and she came as soon as she could. She told him that his feelings were normal after an event like this. Too many emotions all at once. We reminded our son that today was just a tiny bit of time in his long life. We let him talk about what happened to him during the shooting. He told us about the two girls who were laughing in his classroom during the code red. It upset him as it would tip-off the shooter as to where they were hiding. He’d find them and kill them. The therapist reminded him people respond in different ways to stress and nervousness. Our son was scared when his teachers gave each of the kids their backpacks. They were right in front of the door window, parallel to the Freshman Building, 1200. “The shooter could have seen them through the window, shot through the window and killed them!” He said a knock came at the door and someone yelled, “SWAT Team – We’re here to rescue you” He said 6-7 guys came in, heavily armed with weapons and shields and instructed them how they were going to get out. The team surrounded the kids and they walked out with guns ready to shoot.

By 10 pm, our house had settled down and we all fell asleep. The next morning was spent answering texts, messages, phone calls, and Facebook. Our son mentioned he wanted to see our family friend from church, Bruna. She too is a freshman student at Douglas and in one of his classes. They came and our two families went to the prayer vigil at our church, Parkridge Church.

My tough mama exterior broke when my friend Alessandra mentioned my text to Bruna that morning. I had texted Bruna earlier, “Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m praying for you today” Little did I know that Bruna would be pushed into a classroom by her teacher and her teacher shot as he shut the door saving the students in his classroom. Her teacher was one of the victims. She and other students laid there as they continued hearing gun shots. Bruna prayed for protection. Alessandra, Bruna’s mother exclaimed, “I believe God heard Becky’s prayer for Bruna and God protected Bruna.” This strong brave mama broke. But like brave mamas, I covered my tears up by the running water in the shower.

After the vigil, the three of us came home. We needed to unplug from the outside world. Our neighbor man came over and visited with us and talked with our son. Such wonderful love shown to our son. And then he went over to the doctor’s house to play with their young kids.

Today, we tried to have a ‘normal’ day. We went to the clubhouse pool and played catch in the pool with the football. The three of us have had all sorts of emotions at different times. Our neighbors are watching out for our son and the other students that have been affected by the shooting. Therapists and professionals in our development have offered services at our clubhouse. There are grief counselors all over free of charge. Our friend is one of them. She had a busy and productive day seeing families.

What you should know is that Parkland is a wonderful place to live. It is the 14th safest town in the US (as of two weeks ago!). People live in gated communities. We watch out for each other’s kids. Lives are intertwined. We live in an international community with many, many languages spoken and cultures. We have many religions from Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Catholic, and more. Stoneman Douglas is a large school with 3,200 kids. It is very diverse. We prayed about sending our son there but God told us He’d take care of him. Trust Me. And we have.

All the kids, teachers, parents, and community are still in shock. This sort of thing doesn’t happen in Parkland! The streets that I see on the national news are the streets I drive every single day. I’ve walked through the school and know the different buildings. I’ve been in the 1200 building. I know where my son’s classrooms are. The sounds of helicopters have been with us since Wednesday and they finally went away this afternoon.

As details emerge about the shooter, everyone is shocked. He slipped through the cracks. Someone should have done something more to help him. We all feel somewhat responsible. We all should have done better to help this kid. To notify, To speak up. He wasn’t an easy kid. He had a messed up DNA. He didn’t have an easy life. But, it doesn’t bring back the victims or erase the trauma that has been released.

I don’t want to make political statements. This is not what I want this post to be about. You’ve asked how to specifically pray. Here it is:

1. The kids from the school and their families – processing the emotions after the shock wears off. They will experience all the stages of grief at various stages, times, and degrees. The process won’t be neat, tidy, or short. This will take a long time. Keep them all in your prayers. All the teachers too that experienced the trauma with the kids.
2. Our son – Help him to see beyond this moment and all the emotions that sneak up on him without notice. Thank you to those people answering his calls the past two days and loving on him.
3. Dave and I – as we process and guide our son through all of this. We have emotions sneaking up on us too. Dave was home when I woke up on Wednesday. He said he called in sick since he had been up during the night with an upset stomach. God knew he needed to be home. I can’t begin to tell you all of the ‘God details’ but they are there and we thank God every time we see one!
4. For the investigators – it is easy to place blame, point fingers, get political, etc. But these people live in our community. Their kids attend Stoneman and the area schools in Parkland. Their families are just as affected and you can see the shock in their faces. They may come to the realization that something could have been done to prevent this but it didn’t happen. They are human and they will have guilt.
5. For Nik Cruz – he has a brother. I think about all the people he came into contact during his life. I’m sure they all feel guilt or some responsibility after Wednesday. He is a very disturbed young man with very, very challenging mental and emotional DNA and family dynamics that he never asked for or wanted. It’s not an excuse. It’s just a fact that ties into his actions.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! from everyone here in Parkland for praying for us. We need it and will continue to need it.

• There is so much more I could say but this is longer than I intended it to be. We are NOT fine. How could anyone be after an event like this? We all, the kids especially, have a long, long, long healing process. Their lives have been changed dramatically. How do you move on from this? We are taking it moment by moment. Spending time together. Hugging each other. Telling each other I love you. Seeking help. Not avoiding or masking pain. And one day, hopefully, a new normal will develop.
• I leave you with this prayer that we pray for our son every day as we drop him off at school, “God surround him with your angels as he walks into that place. And protect him from the evil one.” God is bigger and more capable of doing that than this mama. And on Wednesday, God surrounded him with two teachers who know him very well. After praying, we end with ‘Love you’ or after he gets out of the car, he’ll turn around and do the signal we’ve been doing since he was little. ‘Point to his eye. Hand over heart. Point to me.’ And I repeat it back to him. It was how we said good bye on Wednesday morning.
• Much love to you from all of us! 

  Becky & the Small Town Girl family