Our New Normal in Parkland

It’s day 6 of our new normal. As most of the kids in our area returned to school today, Stoneman Douglas kids (my son) are home. For the past four days our little family of three could be found in the pool together, trying to forget, just for a couple of hours, what happened last Wednesday. And since the majority of our family is male, we throw the football back and forth. Yes, this mama knows how to throw! We’ve laughed together as we played ‘monkey in the middle’ especially when dad’s in the middle. I loved hearing the laughter, teasing the person in the middle, and seeing the smiles on my guys’ faces.

And then there’s the one time we left our development to go out to eat. The guy behind the counter saw our son’s shirt and asked if he went to Douglas. ‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘Me too. Were you there on Wednesday?’ ‘Yes’ ‘Me too. I was in the back. Where were you?’ My son replied and they talked about the kids who were killed. The guy’s friend,Joaquin, one of the victims, was set to start work this week at SubZero next door. My son’s favorite place for ice cream. After the conversation, my son’s mood changed.

This is part of these kids’ new reality. They see you wearing your Douglas shirt. They ask if you go there. They ask if you were there that day. They ask you where were you when the shooting started. And, did you know any of the victims.

Many ask how we are – it’s difficult to answer. I guess, as good as a family can be after something like Wednesday. One moment tears, the next anger towards someone or something totally unrelated to the shooting. Another, sitting in shock.

On Saturday the guys wanted to go to McDonalds, the one near the school. But I couldn’t. The shooter had been there.

I haven’t been near the school since I dropped off my son on Tuesday morning. I didn’t want to see it. The shooter had been there.

For some reason my brain was telling me if I didn’t go to these places in person, the shooting didn’t happen. It was just something that happened on tv, not reality.

So today, I braved going down Holmberg Rd, a road I’ve traveled many times, to Pine Island. There it was…the high school. But it didn’t look the same. There’s an outside perimeter fence around the regular fence. There are people there that should not be there. There are cars every where that should not be there. There are memorials that should not be there. Yet, they are. And, everything becomes real. It just wasn’t on tv.

For our family and son, we personally did not know or have a connection to any of the victims. However, dear friends have faced unimaginable trauma and loss. Our son was safe and did not witness any violence on Wednesday. However, dear friends witnessed unimaginable violence and fear. Our son doesn’t seem fearful about going back to school. However, dear friends never want to step foot back on campus.

I talked with a neighbor this evening. She attended two funerals today and will attend three more tomorrow. Reality shows up. It’s not just a story on tv.

I’m glad our little family has had the past 6 days together to escape some of our new reality. But my heart breaks for those who haven’t had the chance to escape…yet.

The shooting is real. It happened. And, it happened here. It happened in my community. It happened at my son’s school. It happened to the kids that were on the bus for the field trip I chaperoned last spring. It happened to the girl who helped my son study for exams. It happened to the family who invited us over for dinner last week. It happened to a teacher who I sent an email to on Wednesday morning.

And, in some small way, it happened to me.

Friends, everyone has had a response to our reality. I’m so proud of the students leadership and passion for change. Their new reality comes with action. I love seeing the cross country team organizing a run to remember their coach. Their new reality comes with memorials. I love hearing about the brave JROTC members who helped their fellow students without regard to their safety. Their new reality is about honor.

Yes, everyone here has a new reality. But I pray the new reality comes with a purpose, a new outlook, a new view of the world. For some, it will mean fighting to be heard. Some, will fight to hear others. And some will fight to put one foot in front of the other to just keep moving forward in a new reality.

Friends, keep praying for our community. The teachers – they lost friends, students, and shielded panicked students, the kids, especially those who were in Building 1200, the kid’s who lost friends and classmates, the victim’s families, the wounded as they heal, the investigators, and many, many more. The shooting story will eventually go off of the news but our new realty has just begun.

Love to all of you.

Becky (Written 2/20/18)